"My emptiness is not my only monster. I have at least 26 abominations conveniently alphabetized for maximum listability2 Anxiety is my apparition and boredom my banshee. Childhood my curse and depression my demon. I name my monsters not to give them life, but to accept they are living. Hidden they are harmful, they fester and breed. Out in the open the terrors that tear at me take on a less troubling tone. Their wails and shrieks simply ask me trick or treat. So I welcome my mummies and medusas and fill their bags with candy. If my anger is a wolfman, he’ll leave happier with a KitKat. "
I love this paragraph so much...
Last year, I went through some darkness that I had to embrace in order to move past in. I didn't quite name that darkness, the kind of hatred that I never understood, yet now was forced to learn viscerally, but I knew that I had to move with it instead of fighting it. This paragraph resonates so hard.
So happy you were able to meet and greet and move beyond it! I carried mine around for such a long time to the point where I didn't even recognize it...in a much better place now but every day requires work (and ice cream)...
I don't think I moved entirely past the darkness, but the worst of it has passed. The annoying thing is that various external circumstances tend to awaken and re-invigorate the monsters now and again, and it's at least a part-time (occasionally a full-time) gig to keep watch over them, to make sure they have enough ice cream and/or a cage...whatever is appropriate at the time.
...i feel this so much...every day is hopefully always a step better, but i still hold that tiny candlelight terror in the back of the brain that at any point the monster might reemerge from the shadows...
Keep it coming CansaFis. You're your own force of human nature. Not even sure what that means, but I love the unrestrained creative torrent you share every week.
"But on Halloween I am Amanda, read like a truly stupid pun (a man, duh) so as to force this monologue towards a musing more meaningful than CansaFis is afraid of voids."
Spook rock! That Shaggs song breaks my head. Never heard the Bauhaus song either. Loving the mix of music, quotes, and unhinged prose. It's an experience.
"My emptiness is not my only monster. I have at least 26 abominations conveniently alphabetized for maximum listability2 Anxiety is my apparition and boredom my banshee. Childhood my curse and depression my demon. I name my monsters not to give them life, but to accept they are living. Hidden they are harmful, they fester and breed. Out in the open the terrors that tear at me take on a less troubling tone. Their wails and shrieks simply ask me trick or treat. So I welcome my mummies and medusas and fill their bags with candy. If my anger is a wolfman, he’ll leave happier with a KitKat. "
I love this paragraph so much...
Last year, I went through some darkness that I had to embrace in order to move past in. I didn't quite name that darkness, the kind of hatred that I never understood, yet now was forced to learn viscerally, but I knew that I had to move with it instead of fighting it. This paragraph resonates so hard.
So happy you were able to meet and greet and move beyond it! I carried mine around for such a long time to the point where I didn't even recognize it...in a much better place now but every day requires work (and ice cream)...
I don't think I moved entirely past the darkness, but the worst of it has passed. The annoying thing is that various external circumstances tend to awaken and re-invigorate the monsters now and again, and it's at least a part-time (occasionally a full-time) gig to keep watch over them, to make sure they have enough ice cream and/or a cage...whatever is appropriate at the time.
...i feel this so much...every day is hopefully always a step better, but i still hold that tiny candlelight terror in the back of the brain that at any point the monster might reemerge from the shadows...
Keep it coming CansaFis. You're your own force of human nature. Not even sure what that means, but I love the unrestrained creative torrent you share every week.
...inhuman nurture at least for the next handful of days...thanks for your support Rick...you are an inspiration!!...
Wow! My two favorite parts were:
"But on Halloween I am Amanda, read like a truly stupid pun (a man, duh) so as to force this monologue towards a musing more meaningful than CansaFis is afraid of voids."
and your second footnote. You're brilliant!
...thank you Aurora...hoping that my sister Amanda enjoyed that one also....
Spook rock! That Shaggs song breaks my head. Never heard the Bauhaus song either. Loving the mix of music, quotes, and unhinged prose. It's an experience.
Two of my favorite Halloween songs...I couldn't get Screaming Jay onto this but he is my other halloween fave for sure.
The king of spook rock:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kGPhpvqtOc&t=1s
Loved this man. So good. This especially hit me: “Nothing is as scary as nothing”
Sesame Street is so underrated.
...dude the crayon video is the most OG of OG planet earth segments...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQ_MEFVx5jM
This is hauntingly good.
...trying my best Mitchell...i see no other way out this Minotaur's maze...