“Bad news isn't wine. It doesn't improve with age.”
-Colin Powell-
I don’t want traditional media to ever die. The morons who make us morons, deserve to keep their lights on. They show us how far we have sunk. Without them, how would I decide which CocaCola color to drink? I need to know which celebrity was wrong about nothing. I need a healthy fear of random non-related occurrences.
The saying is that no news is good news. My favorite news is no. Nihilistic nonsense. Vacant none-ness. I like the empty way it makes me feel. I like the possibility of being filled. I’ll become a balloon. I want to be flown to kiss the clouds.
I’m full of hot air.
Opening up the stupidest newspapers I can see stupid things said stupidly. I hear the headless headlines. It’s all fake news. The only truth is ourself. I am the truth. I am the reality. I am a journalist. I am the news.
Our human advancements are hell bent on reiterated facsimile and falsehood. A.I. gurgles an endless feed of our faux back to us. I watched an ad for a photo editor that removes crowds from my photos.
I am alone.
Another tool cleaned my skin, tightened my eye line and sharpened my chin.
I am filtered.
Reality is false. The future is a lie. In ten years time we might mumble and point to each other while the robots talk for us.
We will caveman.
Again.
Ergh.
I spent my year collecting Daily Mail. And The Sun. Sometimes I sought out The Guardian. Traditional media is dying, but before it does I will celebrate its crackling cough and hollow hiss.
Below is a collection of stories I didn’t read. I saw them. I told them to myself. I pretended to know their meaning. I texted them to friends in the hopes they would see the same things.
If you made it here then know that you are my friend. We can see these things together.
I know not what any of this means.
I am pretty sure that’s the point.
“Out with the olds. In with the news.”
-CansaFis Foote-
SECTION ONE :: WORLD
SECTION TWO :: BUSINESS
“If journalism is good, it is controversial, by its nature.”
-Julian Assange-
SECTION THREE :: LIFESTYLE
SECTION FOUR :: SPORTS
“What a newspaper needs in its news, in its headlines, and on its editorial page is terseness, humor, descriptive power, satire, originality, good literary style, clever condensation, and accuracy, accuracy, accuracy!”
-Joseph Pulitzer-
SECTION FIVE :: CRIME
SECTION SIX :: ENTERTAINMENT
“I just love when the Internet is wrong. It's the only thing that will save journalism.”
-Rick Moranis-
SECTION SEVEN :: FOOD
SECTION EIGHT :: LOCAL
“It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.”
-Jerry Seinfeld-
SECTION NINE :: OPINION
SECTION TEN :: DEAR JANE
SECTION ELEVEN :: CLASSIFIEDS
“Good journalism should challenge people, not just mindlessly amuse them.”
-Carl Bernstein-
…special thanks to Shanna Mahan & for their help curating all these visions…
Even bad headlines can be turned into an art form 😭
Are we just not gonna talk about the car burning two blocks from your house ?