“I can't understand. What makes a man. Hate another man. Help me understand.”
-Martin Gore & the band “Depeche Mode”-
People are a lot of things.
People are awesome. People are everything. People are anything, nothing, everyone and no one. People make stuff, do things. People share, care and cut hair.
Depeche Mode says, “people are people”. The Doors say “people are strange”.
And I have a special specific and specious theory worth considering. People are stupid. People are so $%^&ing stupid.
We should be locked into an utopian brotherhood and sisterhood of productive peace, pancakes and prosperity. Instead we have 59 different Real Housewife TV shows. That’s not 59 different seasons. That is 21 international, 11 US, and 27 different spin off series of a show built on the premise that people will spend their time watching the edited lives of people famous for being married to someone else.
People are so $%^&ing stupid.
I mean, people are amazing. People figured out how to fly to space, and how to build buildings so high they sniff clouds. People found ways to touch the bottom of the deep ocean, climb high mountains, and trek down rivers and forests into the wildest widest wheres of the world. People can do anything.
So what do we do?
We globally expand fast food footprints, focus on finding ourselves on facebook, and have fun flipping through celebrity foot fetish websites like instafeet, footfinder, footify, wikifoot and Thee CansaFis Foote Show. I’m not here to step on anyone’s toes. I just can’t stand knowing that in a world full of opportunity, a humanity capable of infinite anything, innovation has settled on teaching computers to drink water and draw for us.
1 in 4 people don’t have access to clean water. Meanwhile we are feeding data centers a bottle of water every time we ask a chat bot to do our homework for us. We are feeding industrial data machines before feeding our neighbors and ourselves. Me asking chatgpt to help sell Foote photos just made it harder for some sap to sleep sated.
People are stupid.
People are also awesome. People discover beauty, and make parks to protect it. People create glorious writings, speeches, paintings and art. Our breadth is breathtaking. But we are so stupid. The most successful film ever made is about bioluminescent blue cat aliens who have tail sex with trees. Our most watched video of all time is “Baby Shark”.
Here is a lyric to baby shark.
“Baby shark. Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo.”
In a world of infinite opportunity, we have chosen doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo.
It is the year 2024. We could be transferring our soul wands to planet XX45ZR9 for an eternal rejuvenation vacation. We could be having magic moon sex with alien cats on real planet Pandoras. We could be talking to whales, practicing funny walks, and exploring unknown ideas for unknown audiences in destinations unknown.
Instead we are unknowing.
We create systems to refute, dispute, dilute and refuse the knowledge we have, instead of having, you know, knowledge. Take for example, anything related to politics and lawmaking. Can you off the top of your head name one law passed in your lifetime that has improved it? We enact 2-3 millions words worth of law each year, but have no clue what they say, what they are, and what they mean to us (and this is in just the US).
Meanwhile doo-doo-doo-doo-doo.
We are selling each other asshole deodorant. Here is a tip, if your butthole smells so bad you need a deodorant for it, wipe better and take a shower. Putting a stick of lavender chalk up your ass is erotica, not hygiene.
We are eating imitation burgers sold by clowns and deepfake ourselves to each other. We created tools to talk for us, instead of talking, and create replacements for ourselves, instead of being ourselves. If your fake you shows up on my real phone I am going to teach it how to haunt you.
Technology insists it improves our lives, but all it really does is change it. Happy isn’t happier today than it was 60,000 years ago. Happy was always happy. People have always wanted to fuck feet. It is just now I can fuck any foot on earth in just a few clicks of a mouse, rather than the good old fashioned way (killing a mouse and giving it to my cave love for the honor of some fine foot balling).
People are so $%^&ing stupid.
Being stupid rules - quite literally - look at our leaders - total %$^#ing morons. I watched the presidential debate for two minutes and transcribed it here to prove my point.
People are stupid. Just think about how people get started. People begin their lives out as babies. Babies are so stupid (baby sharks are also stupid). A baby is the dumbest human in the history of humans. It doesn't understand words. It pukes and pisses on itself. Babies are drooling crap sacks of do-nothing. Babies are lazy crawling feed-me bags. Babies are bald squirmy worm humans pointing at twirly plastic hanger thingies. Babies are so so so so stupid (doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo).
OK, let me calm down (puts a foot shaped pacifier in my mouth).
Maybe, just maybe, babies might are the smartest humans on earth? Babies have no illusions. They don’t have to do shit for themselves (pun intended). A baby can communicate what it needs with only a few sounds. Meanwhile I needed over one thousand words to just tell you how stupid I am.
I mean maybe this all is pretty hopeful.
Look what a baby can become. A grown baby can build a home, sail a boat, write a book, and make magic (…please make me disappear…). A grown baby can foam a latte into a drawing of big bird. A grown baby can throw a glass of cabernet at another fully grown baby on episode 2 of The Real Housewives of Toledo Season 3. A grown baby can give me a job, call me a slob, and cook me corn on the cob. A grown baby can give me a raise!
(*editor’s note the author is self employed, implying that he himself is just a big baby).
People are stupid. Which just means that I am stupid. And that is great. Accepting my stupidity means I can learn every day. I decided recently that I want to meet everyone on earth (and their A.I. avatar). I want to know the best and worst of all of us so that I might know the best and worst of myself. This might be a stupid goal, but I also think it will be the smartest thing I will ever do.
People are stupid.
I am people.
I am stupid.
And now I can learn.
“I heard a funny thing. Somebody said to me. You know that I could be in love with almost everyone. I think that people are the greatest fun. And I will be alone again tonight my dear.”
-Bryan MacLean & the band “Love”-
FOOTENOTES
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Real_Housewives
https://www.wikifeet.com/celebs
https://www.npr.org/2023/03/22/1165464857/billions-of-people-lack-access-to-clean-drinking-water-u-n-report-finds
https://www.who.int/news/item/06-07-2022-un-report--global-hunger-numbers-rose-to-as-many-as-828-million-in-2021
https://www.forbes.com/sites/federicoguerrini/2023/04/14/ais-unsustainable-water-use-how-tech-giants-contribute-to-global-water-shortages/
https://www.wired.com/story/ai-energy-demands-water-impact-internet-hyper-consumption-era/
https://www.polygon.com/21549576/most-viewed-youtube-videos-ever-biggest-all-time
https://www.advisory.com/daily-briefing/2018/10/31/people-are-terrible
…now this is a man who needs ass deodorant…
Brilliant as always
"I want to know the best and worst of all of us so that I might know the best and worst of myself." First of all, there has never been a smarter thought than this. Second of all, "If your fake you shows up on my real phone I am going to teach it how to haunt you." : )