...come to think of it...
“What comes, when it comes, will be what it is.”
-Alberto Caeiro-
I watch as the beautiful man sashays aerobically across my computer screen. That’s it, he says. That’s it.
It has been on my mind a lot recently.
I’m on day 216 of a meaning cleanse. Meaning I have labored 5,184 hours to be unlabored to any previous purpose I positioned my person to pretend to pursue. This is not a valueless task. I am non actively seeking out opportunities in obfuscating obscurities. I am the hardest working man in no business. I spend my hours making minutes feel like seconds for days on end.
I am working on it. And it isn’t what you think it is.
It isn’t. How could it be? It is because of everything that came before it. Without all of that, it wouldn’t. It isn’t and it wouldn’t. It couldn’t.
Sure it could and would but it doesn’t. And at this point I have spent enough non thoughts on it, that most certainly it should. I can’t focus this much on it, without it. It has to be it.
I know this because I tried. I tried to make it something else. I tried asking it if it had any aspirations to be something more, or something different. But it is fine with it. It knows it. It is what it is.
I am certainly not it. As much time as I have spent thinking about it, at no point was I ever able to be it. It is not outside of the realms of my possibility, but I, like it, am perfectly ok as I am. An extremely perfect ok. The perfect ok looks like a one eyed duck. A one eyed duck is perfect.
It needs only one I. Give it a second I and it’s iti or iit. Iti or iit isn’t it. It is it. That goes without saying but I just said it. It is simple. Just an I and T and that’s it.
I is independent. I is alone. I am alone. I abalone. I am baloney. I can do anything. I don’t know. I am not sure, because I am concentrating on it.
It can be anything. You can sense it and point to it. It is there for you to find it or ignore it. But whether or not you notice it, it will always be there. And there is nothing you can do about it. Because it doesn’t matter. Or I guess it shouldn’t matter. But it feels like it does. It is at least important enough for me to continue to mention it. In fact I am actively seeking it.
I want to know what it is. It’s incredibly possible. It is so possible and flexible that it can and can’t, it does and doesn’t, and it will and won’t. It is momentous. It might be limitless. I mean the more I think of it the more certain I become that it is capable of anything. Just as a test I am going to put it here.
It.
And now I just want to look at it. It looks amazing. I could look at it all day. Is it looking at me? I can never be sure of it. When I was looking up the history of it I was surprised to see that it has many purposes. It can refer to anything alive or dead. It can be specific, explicit or generic. And it can anticipate climaxes.
This is it!
I feel like I know a bit more about it, but that I still know nothing about it. I don’t think I could live without it, but I’m not certain what to do with it. When I leave it alone all I can do is think about it. And when I come back to it, nothing has changed, it is exactly as I left it. Why can’t I just let it be?
It isn’t mine, regardless if I think I’m it. And it isn't yours, even if I say you’re it. I think it is possible that it is ours. We can all share it. And the more I think about it, I think that’s it. Well more to the point it’s it (though that could be it too, but that is a story for another day).
It’s at this point you might be asking yourself…wait…what is it? I don’t get it. Do you get it?
But no one gets it. It should be clear by now. And it is not that I haven’t gotten around to it. If anything I keep trying to hammer it home.
So is that all there is to it?
Well it might be more than that. It knows it, and it has it, and it will be it as long as it is. If only I could be as sure of myself as I am of it. But then that would be it. If I was totally sure, 100% certain of it, there would be nothing left to it. And I can’t be without it. So I am going to leave it here so that I can come back to it another day.
It.
There it is. Check it out. That’s it. And believe it or not, it’s fantastic.
A great ride, I'll tell you about it sometime
This was a rollercoaster... in good way. I didn't even need the puke bag. Or is a rollercoaster ride considered good when one pukes?