...a praying man...
“God speaks in the silence of the heart. Listening is the beginning of prayer.”
-Mother Teresa-
Months ago when alien mummy corpses were presented to the Mexican parliament, I laughed to myself at the absurdity of the theater. Finally proof of alien life on earth and of course it was dead. But here I am now, the first day of the year 2024 and alien life stands in front of me.
She stood bent and crouched. Her head was perched askew and arms folded in prayer. The coral kaleidoscope glow of sun splashing across bay brine turned her pitch black eyes into a Christmas red-green. I let her know that I saw her, bending over and letting my lion’s mane of wool hat-matted hair unfurl and almost touch her pincers.
Amazing, a mantis, the martian of this rainbow gravel curb. Her shadow was a scarecrow of crumbled shade for hidden beings hanging out in the asphalt cracks. I think she was drying her raptorial forelegs.
In Greek, the word mantid or mantis means “prophet” or “seer”. Hippies who share stories on the internet say that seeing a praying mantis can be a spiritual reminder to seek stillness, surrender, and answer the call of your soul. I settled alongside her setting, and told my friend thank you. The angle of my observation cracked a crick in my neck, the crepitus pop giving the top of my sore spine relaxation and relief. I backed from her orison, my steps slow and careful so as to not behead any of her brethren.
I am on earth. I am in heaven. I float. I am in outer space.
The new year is typically a reminder to resolve or intend. And in previous incarnations of this annual cycle I have both resolved and intended. One year I resolved to cook a new meal every month, another to draw every day, and yet another to lose weight, gain weight, watch my weight and say “hey wait”.
But this year my will won’t let me play these games. I am resolute to stay resolution free. I intend on staying intentionless. Might I be a leaf in a river holding onto fall’s colors, ferrying dirty toed flies who seek rest? Existence is action, all my time filled with to do. What if this year, I don’t?
My praying mantis, my mummy, my mind wrapped in worries. If I plan nothing, if I do nothing, am I not nothing, am I no one? This alien fear is a pure distraction of purpose. I am now, this story, and this moment. I am sleep, I am shadow, I am awake, I am sunlight.
I am here. I intend to be here. I’ve resolved to be here.
The way you write makes me feel immediately lighter (even if not in lbs), and this essay is no exception. Happy New Year and thank you for writing this!!
Loved this CansaFis. Continually in awe at how you balance heaviness with lightness, philosophy with fun.
Got a good chuckle at: One year I resolved to cook a new meal every month, another to draw every day, and yet another to lose weight, gain weight, watch my weight and say “hey wait”.
To a year of saying “hey wait” ...